


Missionary Style

by betp



Series: Not!Fics [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:04:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betp/pseuds/betp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Derek is a missionary and Stiles is a college student and they do the sex</p><p>
  <span class="small">
    <i>and the love</i>
  </span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missionary Style

like ok so

derek is this stupidly hot missionary right

and stiles sees him around campus a lot and

scott bets him he can’t seduce a missionary

and stiles is like ur on

and so he starts hitting on derek

and meanwhile derek is really inept at conversions

like he has this action figure laura gave him

and she’s kind of the rebellious one

who went to college and dates and shit

but derek is the baby of the family and he wants his parents’ approval

but laura gave him the jesus and was like “i dare you to show this to people”

and he was like “lmao no” but he always ends up using it as a last resort and embarrassing the shit out of himself

but stiles just thinks it’s cute and continues to flirt with him

and they start hanging out

by which i mean stiles starts following him around where he’s trying to hand out pamphlets and shit

and they throw the pamphlets away and make out once

and derek is super confused and stiles realises he isn’t really seducing derek because derek was already into him

so they start having sex and stiles is like

falling in mad loaf with him

but then derek finds out through scott about the bet

and he gets super pissed because he’s just like

you were just making fun of my religion

and stiles is like no i mean you know i think it’s stupid but that isn’t

and derek is like great you think i’m stupid too

and leaves him and stiles just eats cookie dough and cries

and scott is like im sorry man i didn’t know you were like seriously into him

and stiles is like WHEN HAVE I EVER HAD A FLING SCOTT REMEMBER LYDIA

I MET HER IN THIRD GRADE

KNOW WHEN I GOT OVER HER

IN THE FUTURE SOMEWHERE

BECAUSE I’M STILL NOT OVER HER

and derek goes home and his dad’s a grump and laura recognises a broken heart when she sees it

and she’s like tell mama all about it and by mama i mean me because mom would be pissed you fell in love instead of converting people

and derek is like

laura you know those homosexuals

and laura is like (snert) yeah i guess

and derek is like

i am one of those homosexuals

and he just bawls

and aw

and he tells mama all about it

and she helps him come out

and his parents get over it

and he stops being so religious and starts questioning things

and eventually he runs back into scott somewhere

and scott is like yOU’RE THAT MISSIONARY

ONLY YOU LOOK DIFFERENT YOU HAVE LIKE A BEARD NOW AND SHIT

AND YOU’RE NOT YELLING

and derek is like wow this is awkward how’s stiles

seducing another missionary somewhere

and scott is like are you fucking kidding you’re the only person he’s ever successfully seduced in his life lol he was a virgin when he met you

and derek is like whAT

and scott is like yeah he won’t come to d&d anymore either because that’s where he saw you and we made the bet

i’m not even allowed to talk about the bet because he’s trying to cut back on cookie dough

and derek is like holy h-e-double-hockey-sticks

and so he goes to stiles and stiles is like dEREK WHO LET YOU IN

and he’s like you did i’m on the front porch stiles

and stiles is like INTO MY LIFE WHO LET YOU ON EARTH I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW I JUST BOUGHT NEW COOKIE DOUGH TO COOK AND NOW I HAVE TO EAT IT WITH A BUTTER KNIFE

and derek eats the cookie dough with him and then they eat cookie dough off of each other and 

then they confess their love and derek and stiles celebrate christmas together and they date for the rest of ever and no one is unhappy


End file.
